


Can't see through the tears in your eyes.

by AmeliaSanders



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, Chaotic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders is a Good Friend, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Protective Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Protective Deceit | Janus Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:20:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27672605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmeliaSanders/pseuds/AmeliaSanders
Summary: This is it, the audition. What Thomas has been waiting for. After the whole wedding/callback situation, this could be his big break.------------------------------------------------------------------------------Based on the song "Paving the Runway" by J. J Heller, a song in Roman's play list and inspired by beauty-and-passions analysis on the play list on tumblr.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Thomas Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Can't see through the tears in your eyes.

"I can't believe it, can you! I mean we've wanted this for so long and now we have this chance and I just-" Roman cuts himself off as he squeals and shakes his hands rapidly.

He keeps on going until Virgil cuts him off by placing a hand on his mouth. Virgil glares at Roman as Thomas sits himself on a chair that was placed backstage for the audition.

Oh god the audition, he couldn't believe that it was here, for a movie where he would star as a side character. Not the protagonist but baby steps. Nonetheless Roman was very excited. Thomas was too, shown by the drumming of his fingers on his knees. His eyes snapped up as the judges called the guy sitting next to him.

Roman ripped Virgil's hand and screamed, "Oh my god, we'll be next." 

Virgil had the opposite reaction, putting his hood up and ducking into himself. He looked at Thomas, his eyes showing that characteristic anxiousness, and Thomas smiled at him. He tried to be comforting, but he shared the same sentiment, Virgil was his side too. The way his heartbeat was too fast, his stomach rolled and the way he sweat profusely showed that Virgil's influence was strong. A part of him wanted to just run away and curl up into a ball and die. 

A cackle sounded out from next to him and Thomas turned to see Remus standing next to him, trembling and his smile wicked. His eyes displayed amusement as he stared at the two (now arguing) sides before snapping to Thomas. 

"You don't even need me hear do you? Their causing all the CHAOS." He said, exclaiming the last word. 

"I know right." Thomas remarked back, smiling weakly at him, as the intrusive thoughts started stirring in his head. "You're actually the calm one here." 

Remus cackled again. 

"Now that won't do." He said before running and tackling the two. Roman and Virgil yelped as they went down with Remus, and all Thomas could do was stare at them helplessly. 

'What if you pee your pants in front of the judges?' 

Thomas groaned quietly as the intrusive thought worsened his anxiety. Before he had come to know about Remus, these thoughts would always be there, more so in stressful situations like this one but he would never know where they originated. He always thought that it was Virgil's doing. Now though, he had the source, Remus's presence wasn't very obvious compared to his emo and prince but if you looked carefully you could see the manic look in Thomas's eyes. 

As he watched Roman, Virgil and Remus wrestle by his feet, he could not deny anymore that he was not okay. 

He begged for Logan and Janus to appear, even Patton would be fine because right now he wanted to get under the chair and cry. 

"You guys are totally helping Thomas, and definitely not causing a mental breakdown." 

Thomas almost cried with relief as Janus, sweet Janus, appeared with his arms crossed and foot tapping. Janus glanced at Thomas who was pale and shaking and frowned, his cat like iris narrowing. He looked back at the three sides who had gotten up each looking sheepish, some more than others. 

"Virgil and Remus, come with me." Janus sternly told, his face hard. "I am really asking." 

Virgil made a sound of protest before Janus raised a finger, and hummed his disapproval. Virgil responded by folding his arms and mumbling something. 

"I can hear you loud and clear, Virgil. "Janus raised his eyebrow, unimpressed. 

"I said," Virgil forced out, his jaw clenched tightly. "It's not like me going will help his anxiety." 

"Maybe so, but the fighting is definitely helping." Janus rebuked. 

"Fine." Virgil grumbled as Remus skipped to Janus, before he glanced at Thomas and Roman. "Be careful ." 

"Oh we'll be fine, my little anxious bear."   
Roman waved him off, though the excited sheen on his eyes did not help the case. 

"Have fun, brother." Remus said, waving. "Make sure Thomas doesn't fall and break his neck." 

"Sure thing, prince reject." Roman said over the sound of Virgil's and Thomas's groan. 

Janus sunk down with Virgil and Remus, leaving behind a silence that was filled with anticipation. Roman looked back at Thomas with a full blown grin, and Thomas tried to return it. Whether he failed or not, his creative side was too caught up to notice. 

"Let's practice your lines, one more time, eh?" Roman said, conjuring a copy of the script that was on Thomas's lap. 

"Sure thing." Was Thomas's weak response. 

They had been practicing lines for a few minutes but Thomas kept on wondering in his mind. No matter what he tried this awful anxious feeling couldn't go away, and every time he stumbled on a line or stuttered, the awful feeling of not being in control kept choking him. 

And what's worse? 

The sight of Roman's excitement , made him panic just a little. He had an inkling of why, but that just made him guilty. He shouldn't focus on the past, this is supposed to be a momentous occasion for both of them. He should be focused and trained on this moment, to give his best and yet... 

it was like he was in a dream, going through the motions with the feeling of not being in control of his body and thoughts. His limbs were light and everything seemed painted on. A part of him noticed that he had started hyper ventilating, but he couldn't do anything as he stared hard at his hands, which were trembling. 

He can't... 

"Thomas!" 

Thomas snapped his eyes back to Roman who had moved right in front of him, and looking down at him with furrowed brows. 

Thomas tried to open his mouth to answer, but as he opened his mouth he proceeded to gasp for air. Roman quickly kneeled down and placed his hands on Thomas's shoulders. 

"Hey, come on dude. You're okay?" Roman asked gently, looking at Thomas who followed his every movement with wide eyes. When no answer came, Roman took hold of Thomas's left hand.   
"Can you breathe for me? Like our teach has taught you." 

Thomas closed his eyes and followed the breathing pattern with Roman. After calming down he looked at Roman, a small frown on his face. 

"I'm sorry." Thomas mumbled, taking his right hand and joining it together with the hand pile. 

"There's nothing to be sorry for, snowflake." Roman answered back, smiling at him even though his eyes showed his worry. "You want to tell me what's wrong?" 

Thomas sighed, eyes falling to his and Roman's clutched hands. 

"This is like a really big deal, y'know." Thomas started, glancing back at Roman, who answered with a big grin that made Thomas absentmindedly smile before looking back at their hands.   
"I really don't want to mess up, especially after that whole wedding and callback fiasco." 

He felt Roman tense and smiled sadly, still looking down. "Honestly, I never thought I'd get the chance but here I am." Thomas chuckled, though it was without humour. 

There was a beat of silence which was broken when Thomas looked back up, staring at Roman in the eye. Roman widened his eyes at the sheer panic in Thomas's eyes. 

" I'm scared. " Roman almost flinched at Thomas's fragile voice. "I'm doing this for the both of us because we've both been wanting this for so long. I'm terrified I'm going to wreck this chance." 

Roman studied Thomas with surprised eyes. Gosh, did Thomas seem smaller? The way he stared at Roman for guidance with those terrified eyes, it brought Roman back to the days when he was still the charming (gay) prince. Of when Thomas was a scared boy who didn't know that it would get better, who hung on to Roman because he was all Thomas had. Of bullies that said the most cruel things and of people who hated something he couldn't change. Of hiding everything because he was scared that he would get hurt. 

But he wasn't Thomas's Prince Charming anymore, was he? 

No Roman had had morphed into something better than that. That courage was what led Roman to clutch Thomas's chin, guiding him to make eye contact with him. 

"You know why I love acting Thomas? Why I like stories so much? Why I dream?" Roman asked, still smiling at Thomas. "Because they were all for you." 

Thomas widened his eyes, staring at Roman in awe, seeing him in a new light. 

"All I ever wanted was for you to achieve greater things, for you to be happy." Roman continued, his smile faltering. "We have hit lows my friend, and we have fought but my love for you never wavered. I did everything for you." 

Roman wiped the tears that escaped from Thomas's eyes.

"Just because you may not ace this audition will never change the fact, that I will always love you. We learn from mistakes." Roman stands back up, holding his chest high, beaming at the awestruck Thomas. "I will always be your number one supporter." 

"Roman..." Thomas managed to choke out. Looking at Roman's smile, Thomas found bravery and he cleaned himself up. Standing up to face Roman with a small smile. 

"Thomas Sanders, please make your way to the stage." Someone shouted on stage. 

Thomas stared at the entrance, his bravery stuttering just a bit. 

"Hey." Roman called gently, Thomas looked at Roman. 

Roman held out his hand, showing it to Thomas. Thomas stared at him bemused before looking at Roman's hand. 

Realization hit and Oh... 

"You're shaking." Thomas said more of a statement than a question, looking back at Roman. Who's face showed a more vulnerable side. 

"I'm a little scared too." Roman whispered. "But we'll try together, you'll perform and I'll be there every step of the way." 

Thomas nodded with a grin and as he walked towards the stage, he felt his anxiety dissipate just a bit. 

They might not get the role or they might but knowing that his first supporter was near him calmed Thomas and no matter what.

He would be okay.


End file.
